A Bath

Hello there. How are you all enjoying a great weekend so far?

I got the day off, which was splendid, but the morning didn't seem to turn out so fun. It has been a great year for me, and I am determined to keep it that way. Thus, a few bad days or one lousy morning shan't ruin my 2010.

On Wednesday night I was in bed by 20.00h; yes, 8 o'clock pm. I slept for almost ten hours and woke up refreshed and glad to be alive. The next night, last night, I lay down around 11pm and woke up later than usual, but this time I felt sluggish... physically and my mood was the same. I was picky at breakfast and had a few slices of freshly cut cucumber, carrots, pineapples and some chocolate (yep, quite a combination there). This was topped off with potent local West African herbs which I drank in the form of tea. Then I lazed around, getting work done online while half-heartedly watching American movies in French - The Postman with Kevin Costner and one with Jenny Lopez and then The Perfect Stranger.

I was lonely. I am lonely.
There are some things that I never realized in life before. Like, how you could love someone and yet leave them... thinking of divorce specifically. How you could be amongst so many and still feel lonely - in my case, right here and right now I am both alone in the apartment and lonely. Like having so many dreams as a child and growing up not accomplishing them. Like having a great family but life not turning out so well. Or others from far less ideal homes succeeding at every turn. Like someone trying to quit smoking but just can't. Like working so hard for something which comes too easily to most people while remaining elusive to you. There's a lot I never realized or understood, and still can't figure out for the life of me. Like why God created hormones.

I had a hormone attack this morning. Yes, that time of the month in the female cycle. I know it doesn't bother many women, but it gets me from time to time. The irritability, volatile mood swings, sadness, wistfulness, aloofness... sometimes I wish there were pills to make it go away. For some women it gets milder after they have children, I think. Oh, I don't know. I later had some wine. It tasted good. It might not be the best or the fanciest as far as wines go, but it felt good going down. I decided to run a bath. To do so had been on my mind for the past couple of days.

I have a lovely bathroom and will be changing apartments next month (sigh). I used to wonder what the big deal was in taking a bath. People talked about it like it was a big deal. I have not taken a bath in years, probably not since high school. At that particular boarding school, we had a bath schedule. Pupils were to wash everyday and have a bath every 2 days. I don't think we had showers there (hence the strip-down washes). I've usually lived in houses with bathtubs but guess I just never took a bath. Anyway, an hour or so ago I ran a hot bath. Then I set up my laptop music collection - 1980s U.K. Those were my hey days... I have fond memories of that era. I covered my face in an all-natural avocado mask (I mashed the avocados myself and keep it refrigerated). Then I had a couple of cold tea bags for my eyes. All was ready and I climbed in.

Wow. I felt aglow. The warm water caressed me, body, mind, soul & spirit. Soothing. The warm undulating water worked its magic. The only thing missing were my scented candles back home in the States. My darling husband had bought me a nice pomegranate one. The music took me to another place and time. I was floating and lightweight. Nevertheless, after a short time I was ready to climb out. So typically me, I could not even stay in for 20 minutes. In my defense, I can say that after years of 10-minute showers, it will take practice to learn the art of relaxation and enjoying a good 20-minute soak. Perhaps the shower defines me more than I had realized: a get up and go sort of person; brusque in a way; never stopping to enjoy the moment.

Thank God for 2010 which is changing me. Now I can stop and smell flowers/roses (see my earlier post); watch birds; swing on a swing; and now I can also take the time to enjoy a bath. When ever did I turn into that hurried up-tight little woman that I became? Gosh. I promise myself today that life can only get better. It took a phone call from my husband to make me realize that I was as tight as a steel rod (ugh) and ready to snap. I hate to admit that I did snap ... at him. This was an emergency - I had to de-stress. That's when the bath happened. Now I feel less taut and strung out. The hormones might take several days to settle but I feel soft and pampered (chuckle). God is good. Life is good. And my husband is a good man.

You all have a wonderful evening.
Ciao
xxx